Why GRNFALKUSTGARGARGFLIT you might ask? well, i’ll tell you why. Because i do what i want (imagine that in the most cartman-esque voice possible, and you’ll get my gist). So at this point, Joe pasqualetti is excited, because he likes what i write, and yay, i’m writing. My mom is saying, “wait, you have class now”… yeah, i skipped it, i don’t feel good. So down to the nitty gritty as it were.
Dear Maine,
While you have been a nice place to live, and you certainly have much to offer, there is some stuff we need to clear up.
1.) In no case should the speed limit on the highway be 55… ever… i really don’t appreciate having to drive an hour before the speed limit goes back up to 65, its not like bangor is huge… i could understand a few miles, but 45- 50? not cool…
2.) to the rest of the known world, it’s pronounced bang-er, so don’t correct me, and definitely don’t go all pronunciation nazi on me when i say it how everyone else does. I’m pretty sure it was bang-er till y’all realized that could sound dirty… i can only imagine that meeting…
3.) Its really strange that you are most easily described as the south carolina of the northeast. Let me clarify, some of y’all have a nasty thick new england accent, like the worst i’ve ever heard. Also, y’all love country music… its wierd, but if you’ve been to both states, i think you’d get the parallel.
4.) S-curves on highways= never a good idea. I don’t know which one of you was like “hey you know how that road’s straight and you can go fast? wouldn’t an s-curve just spice things up?” but we are not on good terms…
5.) No, i do not live near New York City…
6.) Pizza is thin, and delicious… what you have here is a loaf of bread with cheese and sauce on it…
7.) Putting hot sauce on chicken does not make it buffalo chicken… trust me, i went to school there.
8.) Your idea of a guido is nothing compared to the specimens in Central NY… save for a few, most of your guidos are just normal italian people…
9.) Not so much of a complaint, but everything dies at 11… its almost surreal. you guys literally just turn off half the traffic lights and make the others blinking reds or yellows.
10.) Finally, i have never heard more sirens than i do in bangor… they just go all day… fire department, police department, ems… either everyone is dying, there is an astronomically high crime rate. or arson is legal… you’d think this was LA if you were blindfolded…
thats all i’ve got for today… stay tuned for more of me complaining
